Why I Never Give Advice, and You Shouldn’t Either: A Basket of Holiday Wisdoms

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“I’m here to have a good time and say exactly what I please. I hope you are too. But if it’s balance you want, go take a Pilates class.”

[A-hem. There is a photo credit below.]

Now that the wild applause of the critics has died down after our first post here at Rhapsody In Cool, I think it’s time for a little pre-holiday gathering. You know, just us chickens? An informal chat before we all head into our kitchens and perform the time-honored holiday ritual of thrusting our arms elbow-deep in a turkey’s bottom.

I had been wondering if Rhapsody should be an advice columnist, and then I decided—giving my drink a thoughtful stir—no, there’s so much advice-giving already, especially at the holidays, that I’m banning myself from the whole, sordid enterprise.

But before I do, I have a couple of nuggets that it would simply be selfish of me not to share. Both are selected for their usefulness at this hopeful merry unavoidable time of year. I hope you’ll accept them in the spirit in which they are meant, which is the spirit of absolute and irrefutable truth. Continue reading

Of Gwyneth and Oysters

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“In the grand tradition of Martha Stewart Living, and paid escort services, Goop is offering us precisely what we want—a genuine piece of you that we can call our own.”

Welcome to Rhapsody In Cool. Since this is our very first post, you may want to pop over to the “About Me” page, and while you’re doing that, I’ll freshen everyone’s drink. (And because I’m a serious rule-follower, I want to tell you there’s a photo credit for the above, all the way at the end.)

Ready? All right. We’re going to dive right in with a rare and exclusive interview with Gwyneth Paltrow. It’s so exclusive that she was not actually invited to take part in it, but no matter. Let’s get started!

Gwyneth, today I want to talk about a subject dear to your heart, and mine: your lifestyle newsletter, Goop. Because, let’s be honest, Goop has not had the serious critical attention it deserves. Rhapsody is going to fix that, and fix it today.

You describe Goop’s raison d’être as “curating the best of lifestyle.” Well, can I just say Amen? Before you started this thing, Gwyn, lifestyle was a mess, tossed about in disorienting and unlabeled piles like a teenager’s dirty laundry. Now it is curated into “an indispensable resource for all who love to make, go, get, do, be and see.”

That’s where some say that Goop is confusing; it wants us to do so many small-verb things at once! But the classic origins of Goop are obvious to any who will simply stop going, being and getting for one moment and think.

In the grand tradition of Martha Stewart Living, and paid escort services, Goop is offering us precisely what we want—a genuine piece of you that we can call our own. And if I’m the absolute last person on earth to take a swing at—I mean interest in—your newsletter, it’s because I thought we had nothing in common.

But before I reached the end of your introduction to issue #11, I knew how wrong I was. Continue reading